Sisterly phone call advice!

The other day I was on the phone with my sister, discussing relationships and marriage as sisters do, and as we were talking, I was reminded of somethings that I have learned (and I’m still very much learning) during my very short time as a wife. These are just bullet points, my goal is to take time in the future to expand on each point, so if these are not complete thoughts, I apologize!  :)

Your marriage should be rooted in worship.

When the Bible says that we are worshipers, it means that every human being lives for something. We are all searching for something valuable, chasing after dreams, and holding onto hope. You can either seek these things vertically (from the Creator) or horizontally (from the creation). This understanding significantly influences the dynamics of a marriage. When individuals in a marriage seek fulfillment from the creation rather than the Creator, the marriage is impacted.

When we honor the Creator, we view each other with admiration and happiness. Seeing your spouse as a reflection of the Lord’s magnificence allows you to appreciate their uniqueness. You respect and cherish the perspectives and experiences they bring into your life. These are aspects that enrich your life and wouldn't exist without them. It is essential to find ways to express your admiration for your spouse and acknowledge the wonderful qualities the Creator has instilled in them.

Selfishness is the biggest enemy of your marriage.

Selfishness. You’re an imperfect person, married to an equally imperfect person. Your spouse will have off days, make poor decisions, and won't always be as charming as during courtship (and vise versa). Marrying perfection isn't an option. However, the main challenge isn't your spouse's imperfections; it's the selfishness within yourself. Confronting this selfishness, along with the harmful words and actions it brings, is a continuous battle we all face.

A marriage cannot survive without forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the only way to live in an intimate relationship with another sinner. It is crucial for navigating through the challenges and setbacks that may arise in your marriage on a daily basis. Forgiveness is the key to addressing pain and letdowns, restoring hope and confidence, safeguarding your love, and strengthening the bond you've created. It is the pathway to moving forward from the past, offering your marriage opportunities for renewal and fresh starts. While forgiveness may require sacrifice, forgiveness is a beautiful thing.

You are a sinner married to a sinner.

Many people get married with unrealistic expectations about who they are marrying. What I’m saying is this, both partners in a marriage bring elements that can be detrimental to what a marriage requires and must accomplish, known as sin. The majority of challenges encountered in marriages are not deliberate or personal. Typically, difficulties arise not because your spouse is intentionally causing problems for you. While it may happen in moments of anger, more often than not, your life is impacted by the sin, weaknesses, and shortcomings of the person you are sharing your life with. Therefore, if your wife is having a rough day, that negativity might affect you in some way. Similarly, if your husband is upset about work, he might carry that frustration home. At some point, selfishness will surface, unkind words may be spoken, and moments of jealousy, bitterness, and conflict will arise. This is inevitable because both partners are flawed individuals living in a union.

Marriage will always require work.

Few things pose a greater threat to a marriage than the sense of complacency that comes with a feeling of "having arrived." When a couple loses sight of each others needs, it can lead to habits of idleness and neglect. They may no longer carry the weight of the responsibility they've committed to, nor share a reliance on God's guidance and protection. Without anticipating and addressing potential challenges, their marriage becomes vulnerable. Prayer is essential to safeguard their relationship.

Every marriage necessitates divine intervention and wisdom. Each couple will face challenges that test their character and require strength beyond their own. Successful marriage relies on assistance; it redirects individuals from self-reliance towards reliance on God, fostering a deeper connection and dependency on each other.

Your marriage needs the church.

To be healthy, your marriage needs to be connected to a larger community that offers you resources that you could not offer to one another if left to yourselves. God has designed the church as a supportive community for you. In the body of Christ, there are couples who have experienced what you are facing now. The church serves as a powerful reminder of your identity as a child of God and the incredible gifts you possess because of the sacrifice of the Lord Jesus Christ's broken body and shed blood.