Confessions of an older sister

 

Being the oldest sibling is not something that is talked about often. If it is talked about, it is in the light that older siblings are the “guinea pig“ or how they have to live under strict rules and guidelines, all of that stuff, that in the long run really has no significant value. 

Something that I feel like is not talked about much, is the bittersweet role that oldest siblings play. We are the only siblings that are gifted with the chance to truly watch every single one of our younger siblings grow up. We are the only ones to experience every single one of their beginning life stages. I was barely 2 years old when my first younger sibling was born. And even though I was young, I truly do remember so much. From the sleepless nights, to diaper changes, to big sister sleepovers, all of the things that come with growing up, you do it with your siblings. There is a deep community, and friendship bond that can never truly be replicated in any other setting. You experience all of life first together, and spend 18+ or minus years of your life just a doorway away. 

I don’t want to say that I understand what mom‘s feel like watching her kids grow up, because I have never been a mom, so I have no true experience with the deep and raw motion that comes with that. But, as I write this through filled eyes, I want to say that if this is what it feels like being a big sister, I can’t imagine what it feels like being a mother. 

The past couple of days have been very emotional for me. I have truly realized how fast time slips by. One day, you are living just a doorway away from your siblings, having big sister sleepovers for no reason, going to the mall, or Chick-fil-A, just because. And the next day, You’ve gone away to college. You’ve gotten married and moved out of the house. And before you know it your siblings are starting to repeat the same cycle. All of a sudden the companions that you’ve had by your side through thick and thin, are no longer across the hallway. You can go months, and sometime to years, without seeing the most important people in your life. I have been so overwhelmed with big sister emotions over the past week. With guilt, with love, with regret, with pride, all of these emotions that I feel so deeply all together at the same time.

If I can say anything to older siblings, it would be this: embrace every moment, don’t waste time on petty sibling drama, say yes as much as you can, and soak up each and every second you have, because the time you have under the same roof is short. Also this, the feelings that you are feeling are valid, and just like every other friendship, your relationship with your siblings will grow and develop with you. So while the transition season may be hard, you will make it to the other side.