I went to a private christian college, and if I had gone about college the “traditional” way, then I would be graduating in just a few days. That being said, my feed for the past few months has been countless junior and senior “ring-by-spring” engagement posts for said college, and I have been reminded of how I felt as a single girl on that campus two years ago, because of this, I wanted to write something for all the single college girls out there during this season, from the heart of a young, married girl. I wanted to take some time today to speak some truths over my sweet single friends.
Friends, you are not single because you’ve “missed your chance”
You are not single because you aren’t “attractive enough”.
You are not single because you’re “asking for too much”
You are not because your “standards are too high”
Believe it or not, your singleness doesn’t always revolve around you. My friends, singleness is a beautiful thing. In fact, I’m going to be bold and say that you are single because the Lord has chosen singleness for you in this season, as a chance to know and learn that absolutely nothing this earth offers us is as beautiful and as satisfying as belonging to Jesus Christ. At the core, our hearts should be content, and that contentment should come from standing firm in a belief that comes from believing the truth about God, that he loves and cares for you.
Friends, singles are often greatly tempted to focus on all of the “greener grass” that resides on the dating/marriage side of the fence. The reality of marriage is taking your spouse’s needs and desires into consideration with every decision, every dollar and every minute of your day. It’s loving your husband on days when you don’t really like him all that much, it’s living in the same house while in the mists of a disagreement. It’s forgoing things you like to do at the times you like to do them so that your husband can do what he likes to do. Now I don’t want you to this thinking that marriage is all bad because it’s not. Marriage is a beautiful, God created thing. But singleness is just and beautiful and God ordained, and I feel like that is so very often forgotten. I guess that what I’m trying to say is this:
Don’t view your singleness as a problem to be solved.
When Paul discussed singleness, he says this: (1 Corinthians 7:25-35)“Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy. I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away. I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.”
Recognize the unique and beautiful blessings that come during your season of singleness.
As singles, you are free to seek out the rich blessings that come with being single and enjoy them fully to the glory of God. During this time, it can be easy to simply spend all of your time complaining and fighting with your lack of relationship but sweet friend, if that is how you are spending this time, then you are simply wasting your season. Jesus did not place you in the season so you could feel bad about yourself, or so that you could sulk and whine. Friends, he put you where you are to grow you. Right now you are each in a beautiful and unique place. Single folks should be taking advantage of this time to focus on yourselves and your relationship with the Lord. Brothers and sisters, the time you are living through is precious and short. Right now it’s you and you alone. You don’t have to worry about or take care of anyone else, and because of that, you should be spending your time striving to pursue a purposeful and sincere relationship with our Lord, because if you struggle with loving the Lord, your relationships outside of that will easily crumble.
FRIENDS, guess what!! Singles are a vital part within the body of Christ. In fact, the gospels, and Acts are overflowing with examples of singles within the church. I highly suggest that you read through and study these books it will truly change your outlook on both relationships and singleness.
Face your loneliness and longing for a relationship head on.
If you remember any of Paul’s writing, you’ll remember how he often refers to his “thorn”. If you don’t like being single, and find yourself with a Godly desire for marriage, it’s okay to acknowledge that as a thorn for you. There’s nothing “holy” about desiring marriage but pretending that you don’t. Simply put, having a desire for marriage isn’t what’s wrong, what’s wrong is basing your well-being and your self-worth on your relationship status. Friends, you should be dealing with your pain surrounding singleness in the same way that way Paul dealt with his thorn: praying for relief, and finding joy in Christ’s sufficiency, which is right here for you.
“Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:8-10) How beautiful is that?
Sweet friends, we as a culture need to spend some serious time getting real about dating and marriage. Pull out those lists you made in 6th grade full of “he needs to have blue eyes, be at least 6’3, has to be able to sing and have muscles and a six-figure income” and burn them. Those qualities, at the end of the day are absolutely pointless, and chasing those things will only lead to brokenness and heartbreak. The only qualities that you should be looking for and chasing after are found in Ephesians 5:22-33, which is an utterly beautiful blueprint for what a biblical marriage should look like and be molded after. Now with that said, I am fully aware that no man or woman will ever fully live up to these qualities, but the spouse we choose should have a burning desire to strive for on a daily basis, and should be visible striving to come as close as a sinful human can.
Friends, I hope that you find what I am about to say extremely convicting. I want you to go through the Bible and find what Christ says about what a Christ centered relationship should look like and then examine your own life. Are you striving to be the same things that you hope to see in a spouse, or are you being in a way, a hypocrite? Once I realized that, I broke. If you are looking for these Godly qualities in a future spouse, why should you expect them to be searching for anything less than that?
Finally, it is imperative that you give up your plans to the Lord. Give him the ultimate control of your life, and through that, you should be striving to live in hopeful expectation of what God will do, whatever it will be.
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